Not Durnk off Chiken, Only My Own Brilliance

I thought it would turn out badly. I thought that I'd be gagging from the wine flavor. I thought I'd be tipsy or falling down drunk. It turned out to be not the case. My exploration into wine, while not perfect or probably even competent, turned out...alright.

As always, I literally had no idea what I was doing. (This can apply to many things...women, the Army, video games, taxes, tying my own shoes). I didn't know how I should marinade the chicken. I had vague memories of watching my dad put chicken in a plastic bag before grilling it. Given, as I've mentioned before, that my cooking knowledge amounts to fragmented memories and snapshots of cooking getting done in my house, I decided to go off that (and my friend, Mike's suggestion about defrosting it in the marinade).

There's one thing that I'm not completely clear on either- how long does it take to defrost a chicken? I know if I soak it in hot water, it goes pretty quick but what if I put it in cold wine and put it in the refrigerator? How long would that take?

Knowing my time was limited (I was about to head to the gym for an evening workout and I wanted to be ready to cook when I got back), I struck upon the ingenious idea of putting the wine and chicken in a small zip lock bag and putting that into a larger bag of hot water. Einstein would be proud (mostly because I bet he didn't know how to cook either).

I came back from the gym, started up some rice (briefly going 'uh-oh' when I saw that 1/4 cup of rice is 170 calories; meaning that a half cup, which I've been eating, is a full 340 calories), took out the chicken, and cut it up. I also took out some stir-fry vegetables I had had in there for a couple weeks, unopened.

A plan hatched in my mind: I would cook some chicken in some wine, butter and olive oil, and then toss the stir fry veggies in there. I couldn't believe the leaps I was now taking.

And that's what I did. I tossed a bit of butter and olive oil on the pan following my friend, Laura's suggestion, left it on for a bit, put down some wine, and then tossed on the chicken. The chicken began to cook. I kind of guessed how well it was cooked since it was as blandly white as Martha Stewart (pre-jail) and then tossed on the stirfry veggies.

Now, let me tell you, I thought I was an alcoholic in college- but damn, these vegetables. They were sucking up the wine more greedily than a freshman bonging a beer. The carrots shoved the peas away from the wine and the broccoli was muscling out carrots, peas, and even the chicken out (who I think had had their fill in their wine jacuzzi). It. Was. Brutal. The wine in its terror began evaporating into the fan. Soon, the pan was bereft of the party; the wine had fled or been gobbled up.

The rice cooker finished, I finished stirring the vegetables and chicken (forcing them to awkwardly intermingle like a freshman mixer during orientation) and dumped them on the plate. Vegetables, chicken, and white rice. Gatorade in a solo cup soon joined the party. It was like an hippie convention meet frat party meet liberal elite fundraiser.

And then, the real test came. Would it actually taste good?

Let me preface this by saying that I don't have the most refined of tastes when it comes to food. I don't have a very good sense of smell so I'm not good at discerning flavors. Usually I'm reduced to pointing and grunting, "this taste good. This one sweet. This no so good. This not filling. Oooh...mouth...feel...fire"

But I popped a piece of chicken in my mouth and you know what? It didn't taste too badly. In fact, it felt remarkably succulent on my tongue. The chicken felt light. I got the wine flavor but it wasn't what one would call, 'boozy'. The rice cooked well too. Even my hippie nemeses, the vegetables, despite their short time on the pan, were relatively tender. I actually enjoyed the meal.

And before I knew it, the food, and my powdered gatorade, was gone. Still feeling hungry, I checked my cupboard- completely devoid of almost any food. My Life cereal supply had almost dwindled and I grabbed a handful. And that was it.

I'll try putting some spices in the marinade next time. I need to buy more small ziplock bags if I'm going to do the marinade defrost thing on a regular basis. I'm going to try to add some more vegetables next time too. But for a first time with wine? Not bad.

Now, if I show up hungover to PT, I'll know I did something wrong. For now? A rare success.

The End.