My Unique Kitchen Life

When I moved to my BOQ (Bachelor Officer Quarters), despite my small room, I felt a great deal of relief. Here, finally, I had my own place. I was a man. And while I was neither renting nor owning this little room (its the government's after all), I could call it my own. That bed? Mine. The desk? Mine. That bathroom? Mine. And most importantly of all, I had a kitchen.

Well, sort of. Its barely a kitchen. No counter space at all and one and a half cupboards. But I had an oven and stove and full size refrigerator and a sink.

As you know, I barely exercised this kitchen at all. But I've felt it out and my kitchenette, with a great deal of wariness, has also felt me out (I don't blame it, I'm a single male who has never cooked before and is more liable to blow something up than to cook something great). And as I've used it, it has presented its own unique challenges.

The most formidable challenge has been my lack of space. It is small. I don't have any counter space. I barely have any cupboard space (one cupboard with one shelf and a cupboard with some kind of ventilation thing in the middle of it and the cupboard isn't even on the wall straight). So I have been forced to improvise. I mostly use my oven for counter space (I have a little plastic shelf thing that doubles as a dish rack). My lack of drawers has forced me to put my silverware and cooking utensils in my washroom (next to the bathroom, separated by a door).

Don't get me started on how this limits my ability to dry my dishes and utensils. I create all sorts of arrangements. My salt holder next to my spatula next to my bread next to my olive oil. Plates on top of tupperware tops on cups perched on pans balanced on a single knife edge. Its a cross between the most awkward dinner party ever and the most dangerous game of Jenga the world has ever seen.

Utensils are irritating too. Those bastards take up too much room and yet cannot find the appropriate balance to settle in comfortably (and equally) in one of my red solocups that I tried to serve as their drying cup. (They always tip over) Tonight I looked up in my half cupboard and realized I could just dump them into my measurer pourer not exactly beaker thingy (broader base). Thank you for helping out thing whose name I don't know despite growing up with one my entire life.

My sink presents its own challenges. I cannot figure out my stupid faucet. Its got one of those joystick like controls where it pitches and yaws and that determines how hot or cold the water becomes and how much water pressure there is. It is also extremely sensitive. An attempted adjustment from lukewarm to slightly hot results in an adjustment from lukewarm to "SONOFAB*ITCHMOTHERF&CKER!!!" To take the joystick analogy further- if my handle were the controls to an aircraft, it would have crashed and burned many, many times already (though thanks to the heat, I probably killed millions of germs. So that's a plus).

The faucet head confounds me to this day. I didn't discover until recently that the faucet head could move (making my life a lot easier as I could now target different dishes in my sink since they tended to accumulate). Then tonight I touched the head and the water suddenly went from solid to sprinkler. I touched it again and it went back to solid water. I spent the next 20 minutes trying to figure out how I could get it to go back to sprinkler.

So no, my kitchen is not ideal. Its a hodgepodge of things I could scrounge up at the commissary on the relative cheap. Some are brand new and work great, like my sharp knives and Reaganesque pans. Others not so much. It is not a great collective but it is my collective. Nowhere near perfect and starting from scratch- they embody the same qualities I find in my self as I begin my journey. One day, when I'm a master chef, I will find the financing and time to purchase the best kitchen and wares bachelordom has ever seen. For now- my schizophrenic faucet, my depressingly lacking in counterspace kitchen, my small cupboards- will do. Just like my cooking, they will do. We'll stumble and grow and get by. Together. We're the best we've got.

The End.